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The fall of 2006 brought on a series of events which completely changed my childhood perspective on Christianity. Entering this period of time, however, my state of mind was not exactly wonderful. I believe that the events causing this state of mind are very relevant to this story so I will elaborate on them a little…
The summer of 2004.
Now there is a particular date in history that is of great significance. Looking back now, the reason for this seems altogether silly since the actual event which made it so was not anything special. Let me tell you what happened on June 6, 2004. On June 6, 2004, when I was at the tender age of 13 (if you hadn’t already done the math), I was given some information that I very much did not want to hear. I was told that a certain guy, whom I had had an adorable school girl crush on for a few years, in fact “hated me.” This news was a huge reality shock for me (whether it actually was reality is not certain, but also not relevant). Before this point I had amused myself with little more than this particular crush and, unfortunately, placed all my self-worth in this young lad’s hands.
I have to admit, it really is difficult to explain this in a non-silly way because it all seems to silly to me that these events would have such a monstrous effect that lasted for years following, but the truth is that they did. After this fateful event I told myself that I was a stupid, awful and unlikable person, that no guy would ever find me attractive and that everyone else was better than me. And I hated them for it. How I loathed all those happy, likable people.
This I all expressed by not ever talking to anyone and avoiding social situations like the plague. Shyness came naturally to me so that’s what I did. I didn’t talk to people, partially because I hated how much better they seemed than me but mostly because I hated myself and didn’t think I was worth anyone’s time of day.
This was Grade 9 and 10 for me. Just a simmering soup of hatred of myself and everyone around me. Good times those were. But like all good things, this eventually had to come to an end. The end of this begins in the fall of 2006, the beginning of my Grade 11 year…(next post)