An experience with God.

This post is part of an ordered sequence of posts. If you are new to the site, please click here to start at the beginning.

Now this blog was supposed to be about my experience with Christianity. I don’t know if you noticed, but that last post basically had no mention at all about Christianity or God. There is a reason for this: Christianity, at that point in my life, was still something I just “did.” It was just a part of my routine and didn’t mean a lot to me. I didn’t apply it to actual situations in my life.

In the fall of 2006 this changed. I began to be dissatisfied with the way that I expressed Christianity in my life. It occurred to me how shallow of a Christian I was. It bothered me that during times of worship (particularly musical worship), I was not affected, that it didn’t mean anything to me and I just sang the words without even paying attention to what I was saying. It felt so fake and meaningless and that bothered me. I didn’t want to be fake or meaningless.

I also became dissatisfied with my attitude toward the people around me, the people I hated so much. I felt like an awful hypocrite because I called myself a Christian who “loves everyone” and here I was hating all these people. So I put specific effort into forgiving these people and learning to love them. And you know what I discovered? They actually had crap in their lives too. They didn’t have hunky-dory lives of happiness and joy all the time. This realization was quite significant and made it easier for me to get rid of my feelings of hatred towards them. I began to express myself more socially. Occasionally I’d actually initiate a conversation! It was truly weird. I felt much more confident in myself and was a great deal more happy.

At this point I also began to read my Bible with a flurry of interest. Verses that I’d read hundreds of times before suddenly had meaning that they’d never had before. My prayer life went from a ritualistic mumbling of a few cliches to my ceiling before I fell asleep each night to multiple hours a day. I’d go for walks and talk to God about everything and it felt so good and natural. I felt more peaceful than I ever had in my life before.

I decided to get baptized in the spring of 2007 because I knew that Christianity was what I wanted. I can genuinely say that this choice was not based on peer pressure. I was convinced in my mind and no one could change it. So when the day came, I confidently stood up in front of my congregation and shared my testimony. I was so convinced that this was what I wanted that I wasn’t even slightly nervous about speaking in front of hundreds of people.

These few months were indeed quite good. A lot of healing happened and I learned a great many valuable lessons. But probably most significantly, I found something that gave my life meaning: Christianity. It had become something I thought about constantly. I applied it to nearly everything that happened to me, and it brought a lot of much needed peace into my life.

This describes the first few months of my life as a Christian. The next part of my story is the story of my life as a Christian, after the “honeymoon phase,” if you will…

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14 thoughts on “An experience with God.

  1. Hey! Donna

    I really appreciate your openess and honesty in sharing your journey. It truly is inspiring. When I first heard about your blog and read the words about being a ‘hell bound’ soul it made me terribly sad. Since than I have thot about it some more and realized that the truth of the matter is, is that we are all bound for hell……..if not for the grace and love of God. I wish you well, as you continue to search for truth.

    Vi

  2. Donna, you are sincere in your blog, but I’m not convinced that you understand what a Christian is. You seem to clearly understand what a hypocrite Christian is, but there’s nothing in your blog that suggest that you moved from being a hypocrite Christian to a Christian. Reading the bible, initiating conversation with fellow perishers, praying and giving testimonies are good, but even hypocrites do that. Do you know that Muslims do all those things, except that they read the Quran and perhaps the bible sometimes so they can find holes in it? You’ll be surprised to know that a Muslim like Dr Zack Naik knows more about the bible than the vast majority of Christians do, so reading the bible means nothing.

    Maybe the hypocrites in your church don’t do all those things you used to do, but hypocrites in my church look so genuine you wouldn’t even notice that they are hypocrites. So I’m trying to understand if you know why a person need to be a Christian and how they become a Christian.

    1. Just because I am no longer a Christian doesn’t mean that I don’t know what it means to be a Christian. How dare you claim that I and my community were hypocrites. If we were, then every Christian in the world is (which is probably somewhat true).

  3. But you are the one who admitted to having been a hypocrite. Remember you said “I felt like an awful hypocrite”, also “It occurred to me how shallow of a Christian I was”. What I want to know is your understanding of the difference between a hypocrite and a Christian, biblically. You seem to suggest that hypocrites don’t pray, read the bible, give testimonies, sing hyms with an understanding of the words, etc or if they do then they don’t do it enough to be Christians. Perhaps you can provide a biblical evidence

  4. I used to be a hypocrite Christian, hence I tell you that the vast majority of people who are Christians are actually not. What I want to know is whether it’s possible for a person to be Christian, and how do we know if a person is Christian or not? So you can personalise the question and answer in relation to your previous Christian past.

  5. You can’t know what a “real” Christian is because the word “Christian” has an infinite number of definitions and there is no authority to discern which is the “right” one. Also, even though I know I wasn’t a “hypocrite Christian,” I WOULDN’T CARE if I was. Do you think that if I found that I was actually just a hypocrite the whole time I was a Christian that I would want to consider being one again? You can be damn sure I wouldn’t.

  6. Donna you are confusing because you are now saying the very opposite of what you said in this article:
    “In the fall of 2006 this changed. I began to be dissatisfied with the way that I expressed Christianity in my life. It occurred to me how shallow of a Christian I was. It bothered me that during times of worship (particularly musical worship), I was not affected, that it didn’t mean anything to me and I just sang the words without even paying attention to what I was saying. It felt so fake and meaningless and that bothered me. I didn’t want to be fake or meaningless.”

    You made it clear that you were a “shallow” Christian and you were “bothered” by this, but now you are denying all that. Anyway, perhaps I misunderstood the purpose of the blog and your articles in general. I thought this blog was to document your journey from Christendom to non-belief? So if you can’t tell if a person is Christian or not, then it’s a given that you were probably not a Christian, which defeats the purpose of the blog and articles. You understand where I’m coming from?

    1. If we are to tell whether one is a Christian by his/her “fruit,” I would firmly believe that you are not a Christian. You’re a self-righteous troll.

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