This post is part of an ordered sequence of posts. If you are new to the site, please scroll to the bottom of the page or click here to start at the beginning.
Before I start this post, I would like to clear up some things. It has come to my attention that there is some confusion as to the time when these events occurred. I haven’t been clear in communicating that all of these posts, especially the last 4, are accounts of how I was processing things nearly a year ago. I’m writing about the things that bothered me then, the arguments which mattered to me then, and the emotions I was feeling then. My current belief system has not yet been stated, only eluded to. I hope that my readers can be understanding of the fact that at that point my mind was a whirlwind of thought/emotion, and it didn’t all make sense (even I’m having trouble making sense of it, which is why it’s so difficult to write). That said, if there is something that you feel I have not clarified enough, by all means let me know so that I can address it.
Yesterday’s post closed on the topic of trust. I was considering whether I was willing to put my trust back in God. I thought about this for some time and it became clear that trust really was the pinnacle point of Christianity. This is what settled it for me. Now I knew, with a greater clarity than I had had up until this point, that I could never be a Christian again. The concept of trust made it excruciatingly clear to me that Christianity is a scam, plain and simple.
Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
There you go. Now YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE. As long as you trust your God more than you trust your own understanding, all the doubts you have about your faith can be written off. You can just say “well I have this doubt, but even though I don’t have an answer for it I’m going to trust there is one, because I trust God.” And you’re off the hook. Every doubt can be explained that way. Every piece of evidence against your faith can be disregarded, because of trust.
And why should I not “lean on my own understanding?” All I have is my own understanding. It’s true that my understanding is far from perfect and I make incorrect judgments all the time. Heck, my own understanding is so limited that I don’t believe I can attain absolute knowledge of anything (more on my official philosophical view in future posts), but that doesn’t change the fact that everything I hear and believe is filtered through my own understanding. Everything that I know about God I know through my own understanding. In every instance where I choose to trust, it is being filtered through my own understanding. That’s how the human mind works.
Christianity became irreconcilable in my mind. The notion of God was far too easily explained as a man-made concept, able to move and change with time to fit the particular needs of particular groups of people, made in a mysterious enough way that he can never be truly disproven, and accompanied with scriptures that can be translated in whichever way a person desires. Belief in God was far too easily explained as something adopted because of bias of upbringing/childhood ignorance, a need for there to be meaning when there is none, or a help through hard times. The maintenance of the Christian believe was far too easily explained as being due to the support of community and the natural human desire to belong to a group of like-minded people. My little “experience with Christianity” the previous day was far too easily explained as a temporary mental/psychological relapse of my mind into “Christian mode,” in which every last experience and piece of information can be neatly explained as fitting within the Christian world-view…just as long as every other explanation of them is carefully stowed away as “wrong.”
Knowing the reaction I’d receive from most of those I knew and loved (my Christian family and friends), made it infinitely more clear to me how much of a scam Christianity is. It’s one thing for a person to blind themselves to certain evidence about something like the origin of the world or some moral argument, but when a person is forced to blind themselves to a person they know, to disregard what that person says to be true about themselves, to mistrust their character, to come up with any possible explanation for that person’s experience OTHER than what that person says to have happened, just so that they can hold on to their precious world-view. THAT I cannot stand. THAT is the sign of a world-view gone awfully wrong. THAT is like putting a dagger into your precious saviour’s back each time you do it, because each time you blind yourself to the person you’re talking to because their experiences contradict your belief you cause them to step further and further away from ever considering being a Christian. I’ve seen it over and over again. Christians trust their God, at the expense of those around them. That’s what I did as a Christian, and it makes me sick thinking about it.
My mind is made up. I use ‘is’ here instead of ‘was’ because I am now finally speaking in present tense. The assurance I have in the falsity of Christianity has not wavered in the 10 months which have passed since I made my decision.
I have now explained, as best I can, the reasons why I am not a Christian. In my next post I would like to describe what I “am” now, instead of talking in terms of what I “am not.” In posts following that, I intend to address a lot of the topics which were brushed over in my story (hell, faith, etc.), objections which have been laid against my beliefs as well as some other topics which I haven’t been able to mention in my story at all, most relating to religion/atheism/belief, some just philosophical. I’m very much open to suggestions here. All you Christian folk, I want to address your objections, so let me at them!
And for all you who were just here for the story, thanks for reading and I hope that what you read has been meaningful to you.